


I've been searching for my Father (I can not explain why he grows old)

by Brain_Brainson



Series: Real Names, Fake Names, Chosen Names [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: But Mostly Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Light Angst, Sharing a Bed, but don't worry there's no actual incest happening here, but platonically, discussed incest, i guess, nb Five like always, really not a lot, this is just something bittersweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 03:37:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17973734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brain_Brainson/pseuds/Brain_Brainson
Summary: Despite being the perfect fairytale villain, Five doesn't actually hate their Dad.





	I've been searching for my Father (I can not explain why he grows old)

**Author's Note:**

> You probably think I am here to lift the mystery of why Five should talk to Klaus but no! I'd rather shove 5k of slight angst at you, lmao.
> 
> Enjoy reading because I actually had a lot of fun writing it and I've never writting such a long fic before. Have fun!

Despite being the perfect fairytale villain - Five is thinking ‘evil stepmother’ only switched to ‘evil stepfather, who instead of putting up with his stepchildren for his new and wealthy husband, somehow decided to adopt seven kids out of his own accord’ - as if that wasn’t the most terrible decision someone could come up with who so obviously has no clue how to raise children without scarring them for life.

 

Despite all that, Five doesn’t actually hate their Dad. It’s mostly due to the fact that unfortunate circumstances forced Five to spent most of their life on their own, with only Delores providing them some company, while all of their siblings used the time to be forced through enough trauma to cover multiple books with it, not just Vanya’s. 

 

Not that Vanya’s book wasn’t a page turner, she just didn’t mention all the things the others went through. Like being turned into an abomination of King Kong, or being so far removed from what normal relationships entail that you apparently start manipulating everyone around you. 

 

Or being strapped to your bed until you learn to get out without actually opening any knots. For starters. 

 

The point is that Five has absolutely no idea how hard it is to face your abuser every single day and not be able to do anything about it. Especially not now, when they’ve all been reduced to children again, expected to obey and ask no questions. 

 

And so they just watch on as Klaus talks to Diego, arm slung around him and mouth rattling off words so fast and quiet, Five isn’t sure Klaus himself even knows what he’s saying. But it seems to work, because Diego let’s his shoulders drop and looks significantly less like murder now than he did before, when he stormed into Vanya’s room, slamming the door against the dresser hard enough to leave a mark and started pacing back and forth without even acknowledging that he just scared the hell out Five. Five, who until that moment had been laying uselessly on the bed, daydreaming. 

 

The others had filled in quickly after Diego, Vanya’s room more or less their unofficial headquarter ever since their arrival about two weeks ago. Everyone had looked some degree of pissed off or concerned and Five can only assume that their idiot father had said something, anything at all that poked at the time bomb ticking inside all of them, ready to go off and speed up Reginald Hargreeves’ Death. 

 

They ask anyway. “What happened?” 

Ben is walking over to them, sitting down on the bed and putting a hand on their shoulder. Five allows it. Allison sit down on Five’s other side, not taking her eyes off Klaus and Diego still standing in the middle of the room. It’s Luther who speaks though, leaning in the doorway behind Vanya, like a bodyguard who’s assessing the situation while at the same time trying to protect their target. Five half-expects him to put an arm around Vanya’s waist or something, step in front of her like any of them might attack at any moment. 

 

“It’s nothing. Dad just said something like he always does.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Diego turns to face Luther, fast enough that Klaus’ arm just drops from his shoulder. He tries to grab Diego’s hand instead, but Diego swats him away without even looking at him. “Why duh-don't we-, why don't we ask Vanya whether it was nothing?”

He’s stepping towards Luther, and he maybe would even look intimidating with his hard face and wide stance, but he is wearing their ridiculous uniform with the knee high socks and his hands are curling around nothing were a knife normally would be.

 

Now Luther is actually standing in front of Vanya, like he wants to shield her. If they were in their normal bodies, Vanya would vanish behind Luther, but like this she looks over his shoulder easily and Five can see her clutching it. 

 

“We don’t have time for this-” Klaus starts, but the look Diego shoots him, makes him shut up fast enough that his jaw actually clicks. 

 

“Oh and why is t-, why's that? Because it’s Vanya? She doesn’t-, she doesn't count, right?”

 

“Hey, I never said that.” Klaus sounds significantly less convinced though, voice soft like he can’t believe Diego would imply something like that. He doesn’t look at him. 

 

“But you thought it.”

 

Silence. 

 

Five doesn’t need anyone to spell out to them what happened. Not with how Ben stares at his lap like it pains him to look at the scene in front of him and with Allison going rigid next to them. Luther and Diego still stare at each other, Klaus stopping his attempts at getting Diego to listen to him and Five is waiting for the inevitable brawl when-

 

“Stop it.”

 

Five startles before realizing that the tiny voice coming from the doorframe belongs to Vanya. Vanya, who they actually forgot was in the room with them despite being the topic of the conversation and isn’t that the whole problem? 

Vanya, who lightly taps on Luther’s shoulder and has him immediately stepping to the side, like she’s royalty, like she didn’t have to fight for any scrape of space she could get her hands on before. She looks from Diego to Luther and back before speaking up again, still not used to her voice having any weight. 

 

“It doesn’t matter now. It happened and it will probably happen again. There’s nothing you can do about it.” She shrugs. “Besides, you didn’t care before either.” Diego crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows in Luther’s direction but then Vanya says: “Neither of you,” and the smug look is completely wiped from his face. 

 

“But we care now,” Allison says, all warm and motherly and Five bites their tongue before they slip up and point out that the complete and utter destruction of the world may have more to do with their sudden concern, rather than Vanya herself. 

But then Ben mutters “Caring now won’t make up for all those years of ignorance,” like he expects no one to actually hear him and Five snorts before they can stop themselves. When they look over to Ben, he is smiling at them and when both of them turn towards Vanya, she actually looks slightly happier than before. Like the clouds that are usually loaming over her head have stopped raining down on her for a second. 

If Delores were here now, she’d make a comment about Five’s bad metaphors but she isn’t and that dampens the moment only the slightest bit, enough for Five to stop smiling and go back to business. 

 

“Now that we all have acknowledged what a major asshole our Father is, let’s discuss how we can prevent the apocalypse so we can all go to therapy once we’re back in the Future.” They cross their legs and shrug off Ben’s hand. He’s holding Allison in a half-hug anyway, he won’t take it personally. 

 

Klaus tilts his head towards Vanya discreetly, question obvious in his eyes. Five thinks about Diego’s advice, how talking to Klaus should help with Five’s feelings about their body. They nod slightly. Vanya doesn’t need to know about her destiny. Not until they know how to avoid it. 

“You go and figure out how to save everyone, I’m gonna head to the kitchen and raid the sweets cabinet.” There’s a certain nonchalance in his voice, like he really doesn’t care, but Five knows better. Klaus hooks his arm around Vanya’s and drags her towards the door. “Come with me, sweet swister. I need your innocent face in case Mum comes and accuses me of stealing. A ridiculous accusation in all honesty, I’ve never stolen in my whole  _ life _ .”

And with that, they’re out of the room, Vanya looking a bit helpless but still following Klaus obediently, not having much of a choice. ‘ _We should really start cutting Klaus some more slack_ ’, Five thinks. Vanya doesn’t seem to be the only one who is constantly overlooked. 

 

Luther seems like he’s torn between wanting to stay and following Vanya the way he did since they got here. “She won’t buh-burn the house down the moment you’re not a-around,” Diego snaps, at the same time as Allison says “She’s gonna be fine,” and before they know it, Diego and Luther are arguing again and Allison is trying her best to ease the tension while Ben and Five just watch on, too done to intervene. 

 

And these idiots are supposed to prevent the apocalypse? More importantly: Five actually came back for all these idiots? To save them?

 

The world really is doomed.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Klaus and Vanya stumble back into the room, both giggling and with their arms full of candy, they aren’t any closer to figuring anything out than they were before. Only difference is, Five has pain throbbing behind their eyes now, pulsing right over their left eyebrow and reaching up to cover their forehead. 

They threw themselves back on the bed halfway into the discussion and haven’t bothered sitting up again, gladly taking the chocolate bar from Vanya without looking away from the ceiling. Five grumbles when she gently pushes at their side, but scoots away all the same to make some space. 

 

Vanya seems relaxed, watching Ben and Klaus throw gummy bears at each other, attempting - and failing - to catch them with their mouths. She’s smiling slightly, but she keeps quiet, apprehensive. Like the moment she makes a too loud sound, moves too fast, it’s all gonna disappear. Five would like to comfort her, assure her that this is real, but at the same time she’s kinda right, even though she doesn’t know it.

 

Vanya is capable of destroying them all with just a flick of her wrist. 

 

They talked about that too - about her medication. Allison was strictly against making her take it again, so was Diego, but the others weren’t so sure.

 

“The last time she was off them, she managed to destroy the whole world,” Five had pointed out, hands already up in defense before Allison could even try to hit them. She had still glared at them. 

 

Ben had been the one helping them out. “Five is right. Vanya shouldn’t be off her meds, at least not until she knows what she’s capable of.”

 

“And once we tell her, she’s gonna ask why we dru-, why we drugged her and kept the truth from her in the first p-place. Because that doesn’t make us exactly like Dad.” Diego had raised his chin, the perfect picture of childish defiance. Five had briefly wished he'd never started talking again. “If we get lucky, m-maybe she doesn’t rip our heads off.”

 

“Go ahead, tell her. I am really curious how you will break it to her that she killed her boyfriend and nearly killed Allison, slitting her throat. Oh and all that before she caused the apocalypse and let death and destruction reign over us.” Five had put their hand to their chin, furrowing their brows in exaggeration.  “How many knives were stuck in Harold Jenkins’ body again? 20?”

 

They had stopped arguing after that, everyone stuck in their own thoughts for a moment. And once Vanya and Klaus had shown up, there was no use in keeping up the conversation. As of now, Vanya was swallowing her pills like a good girl, Grace presenting them to her each morning with a her oatmeal and a big glass of milk, if Five remembered correctly. They couldn’t exactly check for themselves, still bound to living as a ghost.  

 

Vanya notices Five staring and gives them a smile that’s more watery than anything. Five smiles back, trying to make it as wide and genuine as possible.

 

After all, she’s still their sister. And it’s not like they don’t have a body count high enough to conquer her own. 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s the middle of the night when the door to Vanya’s bedroom creaks open. 

 

Vanya doesn’t even flinch, too caught up in her dreams, but Five is up in a flash, grabbing the next best thing they can get their hands on and space-jumping behind whoever entered without thinking much about it. 

 

Turns out they grabbed an empty coke bottle left from Klaus’ and Vanya’s kitchen raid.

 

Turns out it’s Luther they are about to kill with an empty coke bottle.

 

Turns out Luther is crying.

 

Five lowers the bottle. “What on earth are you doing here?” He hisses. “I thought you were a Burglar!” Not really though. He’d thought that someone from the Commission had come to end it once and for all. Or the Handler even, wanting revenge after what Five pulled. They wouldn’t blame her. Five would surely do the same if someone were to fuck them over like that. 

 

“Can I sleep here tonight?” It’s only now that Five notices the pillow clutched in Luther’s hand. He’s pressing it onto his chest, like a shield. Five’s glad that Luther is in his old body because they would’ve surely laughed seeing a man the size of a tree standing in the dimly lit hallway and awkwardly holding onto his bedding, like a little kid about to climb into their parent’s bed. 

 

Blurting out “Did you have a nightmare?”, seems like the next logical question with that picture in mind, Five silently moving around Luther to check on Vanya. She is still sleeping. They push Luther out of the room, stepping out with him. No need to wake Vanya because Luther had a bad dream. 

 

“No, I’m….it’s complicated. Can I sleep here or not?” 

Five takes in Luther’s appearance, the slumped shoulders and red-rimmed eyes. They sigh. “Sure.” 

 

But when Luther takes a step forward, Five blocks his way. “But first,” they hold up a placating hand, blindly grabbing behind themself to get the doorknob. When they touch it, Five turns their head a little, closing the door but mindful to not be too loud. “Let’s talk.”

It’s not something they would have said only a week ago. It’s still weird, like their mouth just vomited words their brain wasn’t sure could be let out safely. Five blames it on the newfound proximity to their siblings, the way all these hushed conversations and reassuring touches are making them soft. 

It dawns on them that Luther didn’t have these little validations, at least not as far as Five could witness. Everyone kept their distance, even if no one was as confrontational about it as Diego. Maybe there was more to Luther hanging around Vanya all the time then Five first thought.

After all, they cannot judge you when they don’t remember what you did. 

 

A little part of Five’s heart starts to ache, minuscule, really. But it’s there and Five cannot ignore it now. They step around Luther, deliberately raising their arm so it brushes against Luther’s own. They nod their head towards the kitchen and start walking, but Luther stops them. 

“Wait,” he whispers. “Mum could be in the kitchen. Let’s go to my room.”

True. For a moment there, Five forgot that they couldn’t move around the house however they wanted, not even in the middle of the night. The thought would be depressing if it wasn’t still a major improvement from being able to go wherever but lacking any human interaction for several years.

 

So Five only turns their body and heads towards Luther’s room without another word. The door is open, and Five slumps onto the bed without waiting for Luther. They scoot up to the headboard and watch as Luther closes the door, way slower than necessary. They are about to make a comment about that, but then they notice how Luther’s eyes linger on the closed door next to his and Five understands. 

“This is about Allison. You’re having trouble in paradise, big guy.” The little achey part in Five’s heart dies instantly. There they were, thinking Luther had  _ actual _ worries, other than the weird relationship between Allison and him. They should have listened to their cynical brain and killed Luther with the coke bottle. Better than listen to him whining about his love life any day. 

 

Luther lets his head fall against the now closed door, sighing. Five takes that as a yes. They wonder if it is already too late to hop off the bed and sneak back to Vanya’s, but Luther is blocking the door. Then again, Five could easily push him away when he’s like this. Old body and heartbroken. 

 

“That’s the exact problem,” Luther says into Five’s calculations, forehead still pressed against the wood of the door. “There isn’t anything between me and Allison.”

 

“Oh, you’ve finally decided to not address this weird tension between you? What was it? The fact that you’re kids again or the fact that your actions actively helped causing the apocalypse and Allison is rightfully pissed?” Five is being mean but they don’t care. Playing nice gets tiring after a while. 

 

Luther sighs again. “You don’t understand. Everything that was between us….all these…feelings. None of that was real.” Luther turns, only to press his back against the door instead, head hitting the wood with a quiet  _ thump _ . He looks over at Five.

 

“Allison used her powers on me.”

 

Oh.  _ Oh _ .

 

Well. That surely isn’t what Five expected. They lean back into the mattress, pillow still in Luther’s hand. “Shit.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

There’s a beat of silence between them, both of them staring up at the ceiling from different sides of the room. Then Five leans up on their elbows. “Would you mind handing me the pillow? It’s rather uncomfortable laying down without it.”

 

Luther steps forward, holding the pillow out for them. Five takes it, fluffing it up and putting it behind their head. “Much better,” he sighs. They raise an eyebrow. “Are you gonna sit down or not?”

 

“Oh uh, yeah, yeah.” There’s some shuffling as Luther sits down on the furthest side of the bed, like it isn’t actually his own. Five rolls their eyes when Luther isn’t looking and slides to the side, motioning to the free space with their hand. There’s another round of ‘Oh’s and ‘Yeah’s and then Luther is shuffling up the bed, shoulders raised like he isn’t sure they will both fit in it.

 

Once he’s seated, Five rolls to one side, head resting in their hand and elbow digging into the mattress. “Now tell me: How do you know?” They’re trying to sound gentle and understanding, like Allison always sounds when she’s talking to Vanya, but they’re not sure it’s any good. Maybe it’s for the best considering Allison is the reason why they’re even here.

 

“I’ve been feeling...different. Ever since we got here. Like there was always this spotlight on Allison, making me see everything she does so razor sharp, no matter how small the movement was. And then it was just gone. I couldn’t see anything else for years and then, all of a sudden, it’s just not there anymore.” Luther’s eyes flick over to Five. They nod, silently asking them to go on. 

“And at first I thought: Maybe that’s normal. Maybe everything that happened dampened my feelings a bit, after all, she and I didn’t really have the best relationship before going back in time.” Five doesn’t point out what an understatement that is and Luther keeps talking. “Going to Allison to talk seemed like a good idea. But she ignored me. And okay, that’s fair, maybe she’s just still angry with me, right? So I left her alone.”

 

Five thinks back to all the times Allison and Luther were in the same room. They realize that never once did they stand near each other. Or talk to each other for that matter. But no one had really been talking to Luther all that much, so Five hadn’t thought too hard about it. 

They should really stop excluding people like that, come to think of it. Last time, that kinda caused the apocalypse. 

 

“But she wasn’t angry,” Five says, more of a statement than a question. Their elbow is starting to hurt, so they roll over onto their back again, mirroring Luther. But instead of crossing their arms in front of their stomach, they use them to pillow their head. “She was hiding something.”

 

“Yes.” It’s only one word, but Luther manages to put enough sadness into it, it’s basically oozing with it, spilling onto the mattress between them. 

 

“Tonight I got fed up with it. You have to understand, I don’t remember ever being like this. Even when I was on the moon there was always this….knowing. Allison was always there, not even in the back of my mind, but in the center of it, filling all of my thoughts. It was obsessive, really.”

 

“That does sound a tad unhealthy,” Five agrees. They are not sure they are ready to listen to their brother waxing poetic about their sister, but there they are. Doesn’t mean they can’t speed the process up a bit, though. “What did she say when you told her how you feel?”

 

“She started crying. She just looked at me all quiet, and tears were running down her cheeks.” Luther rubs a hand over his face. “I wanted to console her, but she didn’t let me touch her. She was whispering something but I was too confused to understand it. I think she was saying it was all her fault.”

 

Luther sits up, looking at the opposite wall. It’s not where Allison’s room would be but he stares at it intently, like he could see right through the bricks and mortar, watching himself and Allison talk again. 

 

“You know why she did it? She wanted to be special. That’s what she said, when she told me. ‘I wanted to be important to someone.’ And why not be important to Number One, right? She probably couldn’t persuade Dad so she took the next best thing.”

 

“But wait-” Five leans up, also staring at the wall. They wish Delores were here. She would’ve known better how to comfort their brother. “Why did it wear off?”

 

Luther looks over at them, shoulders slumped forward. He looks tired. “It hasn’t happened yet. She said, she had the idea for longer, but only acted on it a month or so after your disappearance. Maybe she was afraid we would leave her too and wanted to make sure at least someone would stay with her forever.” 

 

And there it is. The pain in their heart, little needles prickling at it. Five raises their hand and hesitantly puts it on Luther’s shoulder. Luther leans into it, so Five leaves it there. “At least what she thought of as forever, until she got tired of this. Of me.” Now there’s definite bitterness seeping into Luther’s tone. Five doesn’t blame him. 

 

“What exactly did she say? When she…,when she rumoured you.” It’s not the most tactful question to ask but Five is not the most tactful person and they’re already trying their best right now. What was the saying? Curiosity killed the cat?

But Luther doesn’t seem to mind. “Something about her being the most important thing to me? I don’t think she even planned for me to fall in love with her but I guess it served the purpose anyway.” He squares his shoulders, snuffling. Five drops their hand. Seems like their little heart to heart is over already. 

 

“I’m not even mad at her or anything. It’s not like I haven’t done fucked up things in my life.” ‘ _ Me too, big guy _ ,’ Five thinks, but they keep their mouth shut. Somehow they feel like the things they did are on a whole other level. At least there’s no blood on their siblings hands, enough to creep under their skin and stay there, unseen but not forgotten. 

 

They would like to be able to say more, comfort Luther, but they have no idea how. So they just stand up and grab the pillow, holding the other hand out to Luther. “I guess it’s sleepover time then.” Five smiles at Luther, all lips and no teeth. They don’t really trust their face with smiles that show teeth. Too predatory. 

 

Luther ignores him, not even glancing up at them. Rude. 

“It’s just so weird to know that you shaped your whole life after this one person, trusting them completely, only to find out that it meant nothing in the end.” Five has the distinctive feeling that Luther isn’t talking about Allison anymore. Not with how his voice wobbles. Five sits back down. 

 

“Dad was an asshole,” is all they say and it sounds like a broken record. Like Luther - like  _ all _ of them - didn’t know that before. But it’s like an instinct. The apocalypse is coming, childhood trauma is a bitch and Dad was a fucking asshole. Actually-

“Technically he still is, since he hasn’t bitten the bullet yet.”

 

And wasn’t time travelling a bitch for that. Throwing them right back into the worst years of their lives. But Five doesn’t have time to muse about that because suddenly Luther is sobbing. Shoulders shaking and all. “ _No, no,_ _no,_ ** _no_**.” Five doesn’t even realize he’s whispering, too busy panicking. “C’mon big guy, please don’t cry.” _‘I can’t handle crying.’_

They sling an arm around Luther’s still shaking form, easily reaching around his tiny frame. Of all the strange things occurring tonight, this is what really startles them. Luther being so goddamn small. Five only ever remembers looking up to him, not really out of awe but  _ still _ . Always looking up, some kind of unspoken loyalty between everyone else for their leader. It’s weird to see Luther like this and it strikes Five that they never saw him crying before, not like this, really, _openly_ crying.

They pat his shoulder a few times, eyes flitting around the room for something,  anything . Maybe a box of tissues. Luther is leaning forward, pressing his face into his drawn up knees and when he speaks, Five nearly misses it.

 

“How could he do that to me? I am Number  _ One _ . It’s not supposed to be like this.” His voice is breaking, and Five can hear him breathe in shakily. “I gave  _ my life _ for him and he sent me away! I thought, I thought…,” the last few words are only a whisper. “I thought he loved me.”

Luther raises his head, cheeks wet and eyes red. “Isn’t a Dad supposed to love his kids?”

 

It’s one of those questions that should be easy to answer. Probably is for other people, people with normal families and normal Fathers. Five stays silent. The problem is, whether Reginald Hargreeves loved his children or not, they know that all of his children love him. It’s not something you can control and it sure as hell isn’t what he deserves but as sure as a father is supposed to love his children unconditionally, children will love him right back, no matter how much he fucked them over. 

Luther is the most obvious, still desperate for their father’s approval, but the others aren’t immune to it, either. Five isn’t. There is some tiny part in their heart that will forever ache thinking about their father, yearning. For approval, for warmth. For love. 

 

But that wouldn’t help Luther right now. So Five only tugs him closer, until their knees bump and Luther’s head is knocking against their chest and holds him tight. It’s a bit uncomfortable and after a while Five’s back starts hurting, but they don’t stop holding onto Luther until he moves back himself, slowly backing away, wiping at his tears. 

 

They don’t look at each other, but then Luther holds up the pillow. “Sleepover?” He is smiling, just the tiniest bit and Five smiles back. 

“Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

 

When they step back into Vanya’s room, she’s awake, rubbing at her eyes and squinting in their direction. 

 

“What happened?” Vanya’s voice is still thick with sleep but her eyes are flitting back and forth between the two of them. They are quite the sight, Five thinks. Luther, who has so obviously cried his eyes out a few minutes prior and Five, with their pajamas full of wet spots from the tears and the snot. They should probably change their clothes but to be honest, they’re too exhausted for that. 

 

“Nothing,” Five says at the same time as Luther mumbles “Bad dreams,” and both of them avoid looking at Vanya. “Okay,” Vanya says slowly, but she doesn’t seem convinced. Five brushes her concern aside by closing the door behind them and pointing at Luther. 

 

“Can he sleep here tonight? You know, because of his...bad dreams,” Five finishes rather lamely, but Vanya nods again, so hey, it worked. Luther is starting to put his bedding on the ground, about to sit down on the carpet but Five snatches it away. 

 

“You’re sleeping in the bed, dumbass.” Luther looks like he doesn’t understand and Five rolls their eyes. “Right, Vanya?” 

“Of course you are.” Vanya doesn’t really raise her voice - she never does - but her tone leaves no room for an argument. She scoots over so she’s pressed up against the wall, leaving most of the mattress free for Five and Luther. 

 

Luther walks over to the bed slowly, like he’s expecting Vanya to change her mind again. But she doesn’t and so he sits down on the edge of the bed, hands folded in his lap. Like he’s about to pray. “I am sorry, Vanya,” he admits at last, looking at the carpet. A sinner looking for absolution.  


 

“I am sorry for everything.”

 

Five realizes they’re still just standing there, in the middle of the room. They don’t dare move though, feeling like they are intruding on something private. Vanya and Luther ignore them anyway, Vanya focusing on Luther and Luther trying very hard not to focus on Vanya. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did and I shouldn't have ever treated you like I did. You are my sister and I love you. And I really hope someday you will forgive me.”

 

And  _ oh _ , this is inching into dangerous territory now, because Vanya is scrunching up her face like she’s thinking really hard about what Luther could possibly mean and Five knows _ exactly _ what Luther means. Privacy or not, they have to step in now, before someone - Luther - slips up. 

 

“Luther, you don’t have to be all dramatic about this. I am sure Vanya has already forgiven you for what happened today.” They look over at Vanya like they’re in a play, screaming, ‘ _ This is your cue! _ ’ with their eyebrows, praying she will go with the change of script. 

Man, they should really stop it with the metaphors, this is not getting any better. 

 

But Vanya swallows the lie easily, face relaxing again and she nods, perhaps a bit too wildly. “I’m not mad, Luther. Not at all.” She reaches over and touches the back of his neck and it looks so easy when she does it, just taking people’s pain with a simple touch. Five would love to know how it works, their fingers only ever feeling clumsy when they try to be comforting. Their throat is dry. “I love you too,” Vanya says, rubbing down Luther’s back and Five suddenly feels like crying. They bite their tongue, focusing on the sting instead. 

 

Luther shakes his head a little and Five expects him to argue with Vanya but instead he says: “Next time Dad says something, I’ll step in.” And that’s the old Luther, the one who’s sure of himself and his accomplishments. 

 

“You don’t have to do that.” Vanya shuffles around on the bed until she’s sitting on her knees, still behind Luther. “Dad will only turn on you then.” 

 

“I’m the leader.” It sounds sure enough, but Five can hear the slight waver in Luther’s voice. “I’m supposed to take the brunt of it.” 

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have to be the leader all the time.” Five is surprised they even spoke up, but it’s the truth. “Maybe you should be able to lean back once in a while and let other people worry.” 

This time, Five is sure that Luther will argue, so they brush over him, immediately. “If you two are done being all soft and emotional, I am going to bed.”

 

They ignore how their throat ache and Vanya looking at them, like she knows something they aren't able to say.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s quiet in the room once all of them are settled, Five somehow ending up sandwiched between Vanya and Luther, face pressed into Luther’s back and Vanya’s arm loosely around their waist. 

 

They are already half-asleep when they hear Vanya whisper. 

 

“I love you too, Five.”

 

Five doesn’t answer but they do snuggle closer into Vanya’s embrace, rare real smile on their lips. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate on me for feeling for Luther, that boy has his own demons. And Five is trying very hard to be a good sibling, goddamnit. 
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr (I'm @b-rainlet) on there. 
> 
> Consider dropping me a comment ot leaving some kudos and until next time, when I crawl out of my hole to let the Hargreeves suffer some.


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